Things I Cannot Change: On not Tooting my own Horn

Sometimes its good to take a reality check on yourself.  Everyone wants to be a better person.  Maybe they want to be thinner, taller, yell less.  Maybe they want to be nicer, more outgoing, less outgoing.  But, there are things about ourselves that, no matter how hard we try, we cannot change.  These are things that we have to accept about ourselves, and say, ‘Screw it. Because that’s how I am.’ In my journey of life, and as I get older, I’m starting to accept certain things about myself.  Its all about self-discovery:

Preamble:  if you think this post is all about me looking for compliments, you’re wrong.  I know there are some fantastic things about me which I will share with you at another time in a post entitled ‘Tooting my Own Horn’.  This particularly post is to point out that…

These are the things that I know about myself that I cannot change.

1.  I am not sporty.  I am completely uncoordinated.  When I look in the mirror at yoga, I cannot adjust for backwards and generally end up going the wrong way.  I cannot catch a ball, nor can I pedal and change gears at the same time.  I am a terrible bowler, I run funny, and skating and I are not friends.  I am bad at sports. This is something I cannot change.

2.  I’m forgetful.  I remember things, but on the wrong date.  I forget where I put things.  I lose things.  I don’t remember  anyone’s name, even if I’ve met them 10 times. This is termed Marazheimers.  I do, however, have an excellent memory for random bits of information, I have a great sense of direction, and with my work, I can remember everything, even whole conversations.  But, I forget to pay bills, where I’m supposed to be, where I put my cellphone, keys, etc.  This is Something I Cannot Change.

3. I’m disorganized with my physical space.  I have other things to think about then how neatly my t-shirts are folded or if my skirts are hung from shortest to longest.  My desk is a mess (but I know where everything is), and I feel like filing is for wimps.  My brains move fast, and they have no time for persnickety things like automatic label makers. What’s funny, is that I hate the way a disorganized area looks. I just don’t have the temperament to effect change.  This about me drives my mother crazy.  But, I’m sorry Mom, this is something I cannot change

4.  I am a terrible resolution keeper.  Whether its to lose weight, be less forgetful, or be less organized, I do not follow through.  My diets last until the hunger pangs begin.  I buy notepads to make lists and then forget to write in them.  I purchase magazines touting organizational systems and leave them all over.  I just cannot keep these resolutions.  Perhaps because they usually involve Things I Cannot Change.  And so, with this one too, this is Something I Cannot Change.

5.  I talk too much.  Even when I swear to myself that I’m going to not talk, I talk.  I talk when I’m nervous, I talk when I’m comfortable.  I talk when I’m rested, and I talk when I’m tired.  I talk when I’m passionate about something  and I talk when I’m mad about something.  I talked non stop while delivering my children.  Sometimes I even talk in my sleep. As well, sometimes I say inappropriate things while I’m blabbering.  Unfortunately for everyone around me, This is Something I Cannot Change (other than the inappropriate part and that is something I contunue to try to change.

6.  I’m totally naive.  I believe in people, in their good and their truth.  Even when its obvious to everyone else that someone has a personal agenda or that they are not being truthful to me or themselves, I totally believe them. Then, when their true colours show through, I kick myself and swear that I’ll be more savvy next time. And then…hit the repeat button.  So, unfortunately, This is Something I Cannot Change.

7.  I’m an avoider.  I like sunshine, fairy dust and rainbows. I like everyone to be happy.  I like pleasant situations, and bills that are payable.  I like people to get along, and everyone to be true to themselves.   I try to avoid unpleasant things by pretending they don’t exist.  Then I complain for hours about them.  It’s terrible to be an avoider, because the unpleasant things are often way worse after they’ve been avoided for a while.  The more I try to change from being an avoider, the more I avoid.  This has also been termed MaraPrastination.  I have to admit, that This is Something I Cannot Change.

What about you?  Do you have things you cannot change?

Postscript:  I’m also pretty lazy, but that is Something I’m Trying to Change.