My husband has dumped me for a new girl. And I’m thrilled.
He can’t wait to see her, and rushes home early from work to climb on her back. He likes to polish her chrome and caress her till all hours of the night.
He’s been buying her gifts, and dresses up in fancy leather jackets just for her.
He even asked me to take a picture of them together. The nerve.
My husband and his lover
You’re thinking Midlife Crisis. Well, that would make sense, except that this isn’t the first time he’s had one of those. He’s had a 1/3 life crisis, a five years after that crisis, and now this one.
We’ve been through guitar lessons, professional photography, kite boarding, running and cycling. Usually, if I humour him, his interests seem to burn themselves out pretty quickly, even though they quickly drain our (not) disposable income.
This is the second time the motorcycle, or as I like to call it, ‘my road to riches from insurance money’, has entered the equation. The first time I was able to nag talk him out of riding the hog This time, not so much. Maybe I’m losing my touch. Because while I didn’t actually give my blessing, I protested the bike in such a milquetoasty way that he chose to interpret my apathy as acquiescence.
Anyways, there really are more pros than cons to this motorcycling, when I look at it from my perspective (isn’t it always about me?).
And, since obviously, I’m going to have to ride this one out (get it?) I’m look over the rainbow reflecting off the Zayde’s Angels Patch he’s sporting on the back of his jacket, and straight into ‘how does this thing benefit me’ land.
The cons:
- Its really dangerous.
- He’ll be gone a lot on the weekends (oh, wait, that might be a pro)
- Its expensive (oh wait, that might be a pro also)
The Pros:
- He’ll be having a lot of ‘HE’ time. I won’t have to feel guilty when I want to go to yoga, or get manicures or go shopping for hours or merely hang at the BFF’s.
- He’ll be having a lot of ’HE’ time and will be feeling guilty about it (because I will make him), and will thus have to make it up to me.
- He bought himself a motorcycle. That covers the next 40 years of birthdays, anniversaries, and Fathers Days.
- He bought himself a motorcycle. He cannot object to anything I want to buy myself for the next 40 years or so.
- Since he’ll be riding his motorcycle, the daughter will no longer nag me for my car, and I won’t be trapped at home.
- Since he’s got himself a solitary totally narcissistic hobby called the motorcycle, he cannot harass me about mine, which is Twitter.
- This motorcycle give me eternal AMMUNITION. ’You bought a motorcycle..so…’
See, way more Pros than Cons. That’s how our marriage rolls. Give and take. And manipulation.
Sayonara Easy Rider, I’m off to the Spa.
My wife has been toying with the idea of getting herself a motorcycle for a couple of years. What’s a hog cost? $20K? 30? My next lathe will cost anywhere from $6-8K. Maybe I should encourage her to get the bike?
The hog was way less (as far as I know) than your lathe. Do the pros and cons. You realize you’re in a reverse situation right now?
Bikes, depending on the kind, can cost anywhere from $6K to $25K. The best time to get them usually is in the fall when the season is over and they are trying to clear old stock. The price differences depend on how big an engine she wants, extra stuff, etc. But you spend more than just the bike, too. You need a helmet, gloves, jacket, pants, etc. That runs about another $600-$700, depending on what you get.
He told me his was $4000, used, bought in February. He just keeps buying more crap for it-jackets, handlebars, magazines, shows retc
Really? He obviously bought it used then. My current lathe was only $2k so when we consider my wife’s addiction to purses, I think I am still good.
yes. he bought it used. Considering there was a good chance he’d get on it once and be scared to ride it, used was the way to go.
Well, you know that we have a bike too. Yes, I say WE because I think I love that thing just as much as Hubs! Yours is pretty! I do, however, disagree with two of your cons.
“It’s really dangerous”: Yes, a bike offers less protection than a car, but bikes can stop faster, maneuver better, and get you out of dangerous situations better than a car can. If the rider is well trained (I highly recommend a course) then I don’t think it’s any more dangerous. The problem is that there is no requirement to take a course, so you get young yahoos on bikes who do really stupid things and give the safe riders a bad name.
“it’s really expensive.” Initially, yes, it’s expensive. Riding a motorbike requires gear, and it is a bit of a hit to the wallet. However, we’ve also owned a boat and a plane, and the bike was by far the cheapest. Also, it’s far cheaper to drive than a car.
Here’s what I suggest-get him to install a back rest for you so that you don’t feel unsafe perched on the back, and when he’s comfortable enough to have a passenger, go for a ride with him. If you enjoy it, get yourself a cute jacket, some warm pants to go with, a nice helmet, mikes for the helmets so you can talk, then leave the kids at home and take off for a weekend together. We have had the deepest, most meaningful conversations on our bike, while winding through gorgeous scenery. Sure you can’t shop or even pack much (not much fits in saddlebags), but you just might get hooked yourself.
Tell your Hubs to enjoy. If we lived closer, we’d be inviting him to ride with us!
PS. Harley owners typically don’t want to have anything to do with Yamaha owners. If you refer to a Yamaha as a hog it’s a huge faux pas in biker circles, because Yamaha owners secretly scoff at the Harley people as having an expensive, ‘brand name’ bike that can’t cut it on the highway. There’s a lot of pride with guys and their bikes, and a whole community/subculture around it. Strange, huh?
I know you have a bike and you love it. Response:
Dangerous: it’s the other drivers. I’ve seen too many crushed motorcycles on the road to think this is a really good idea
Expensive: he already has a car and insurance. This is supplemental. So more than zero is expensive. Not to mention all the toys, the bike trips, the shows, the etc
The seat: NEVER. We can have long conversations over dinner and i can get myself a nice leather jacket and wear it to the restaurant. I don’t wear warm pants. NEVER rising the bike.
The Hog: I hope the Harley people don’t come to my house and beat me up. I plead ignorance.
Basically, you have to drive as though the people in cars will KILL YOU. Drivers are pretty stupid. It’s part of riding a bike-and yes, a bit dangerous, but if you are aware of that, the safer you are.
I’m sad you won’t ride. You really don’t know what you’re missing. *grin*
Oh well, it will keep him happy.
he being happy is the most important thing. uh huhnh. oh yeah.
As I was reading I was going to say, “I love point 2 best,” but then I kept reading and they’re all equally valid. You’ve clearly thought this through and are in a real position of power. You are a goddess among wives and an example to the rest of us.
well, that’s my goal. To teach all women to exploit their husband’s happiness for their own benefits.
You are right about the lathe, come on Steve, I was going to say this is nothing compared to what I call ‘wood porn’ and the last piece of equipment DH bought was a Bobcat or the store of Mahogany in the garage. “It’ll come in handy, he says.” I liked your part about motoring. I drive a Smart4Two and make sure people can see me. I don’t, however, have the amazing acceleration and responsiveness of your DH’s bike. Thus he is way ahead of the curve there. Finally, loVe the guilt thing, but you may not need to assist he may just emote on his own resulting in spontaneous flowers, birthday gift certificates to the SPA, etc etc etc. Win – Win.
I’m hoping I won’t have to pull any guilt, and he’ll be ‘appreciative’ on his own
Ah yes, “wood porn”, oh how I love thee… Truthfully, I have a log reclamation project I’d like to undertake, but a Bobcat isn’t nearly big enough. I’m thinking one of this tow trucks that hauls tractor trailers…
oh my. this is much more broad than a motorbike.
Believe me, woodturning can get waaaaaay expensive. Im in my shop now and I am currently looking at ROUGHLY $2470 in tooling. That does not include any machinery (lathe, bandsaw, sharpening set up, chainsaw) or readily disposable items like sandpaper, finishes.
Vroom vroom…. You are officially the Biker Chick(y).
My SIL has a big honkin bike but I don’t know about buying a hog to match your hubster’s. As you so artfully said, one must fill the void and stem the tears of loneliness with… baubles and hours of shopping and such. It’s only right. : )
I mean, it’s only fair. I won’t be buying a bike for myself. I’m a total chicken. ‘Bock Bock BBock bock’
Shopping is way better anyway… : )
“We’ve been through guitar lessons, professional photography, kite boarding, running and cycling. Usually, if I humour him, his interests seem to burn themselves out pretty quickly, even though they quickly drain our (not) disposable income.”
HOLY! – This is my life. I say that my hubs has “sparkle disease.” and he has it BAD too. The worst (and funniest) was the kiteboarding. On the windy Oregon coast, that kite tea bagged the HECK out of him. Good times.
Hi there!
In my teens, I had friends with big brothers with bikes. We used to have so much fun riding with them on the back. Had a boyfriend in my early 20s with a hog and it was still fun riding on the back in those days. Always thought I’d marry a biker boy type, but now that I’m really an ol’ lady – completely understand the reluctance to ride. Although, I could be persuaded to ride along in our area’s annual biker’s club toys for tots ride or something like that (since they close the streets like a parade and go slow with cute stuffed animals on board -LoL!)