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There’s a rut in the air. Not rutting, perverts and readers of historical fiction. Me. I’m in a rut. Oh, woe is me.
It all stems from this bad mood I have today, which all stems from the fact that apparently, my daughter doesn’t have enough throw cushions for her dorm room. Which you know, makes me the most horrible mother in the world. Because she’s deprived. Which then puts me in a bad-ish mood since I’m supposed to be this big ole expert on parenting teenagers when I’m just this loser whose kid can’t understand why it’s worth it to buy one’s textbooks at Amazon.ca in order to save $10.
Obviously, all of her textbooks are new fucking editions this year. So, she can’t buy used. And, she has all half courses. And, of course, second term she takes psychology again but NO the second professor does not use THIS psych 101 textbook, (s)he feels the need to use a DIFFERENT $130.00 book that my kid who doesn’t even really like school will need to buy.
Take a breath.
And, also, in case you were wondering, the money tree we have in the kitchen does not, contrary to it’s name, grow money. It’s all a lie. You know what else is a lie? That when you’ve had two glasses of wine you’ll remember whether or not you changed your tampon. So, when you can’t find the string the next morning but there’s a wrapper in the garbage but you seem to have pre-alzheimers, which is worrying in itself and you can’t remember if that’s from before your went to the bar or after. So, now you can spend weeks wondering if there’s a little cotton tube floating around your uterus poisoning it, and even though you don’t need your uterus anymore, it’s a nice-to-have.
Take a breath.
Sure, also, you’re the worst mother again because your kid sits at home all the time and can’t seem to make plans and even when he does, the other kid’s mom makes him cancel because she always does. Or, your son makes plans at the same time you have to go to the Mandarin Chinese Buffet with your in-laws for their 50th Wedding anniversary (OMG Congratulations, right?!) so then YOU have to make him cancel. Plus, you’re going to California for the first time for a wedding, and you’ll have to wear a bathing suit in front of a whole bunch of people who like to work out but you don’t work out because you’re too lazy and keep getting hurt, and you’re going to the Mandarin Chinese Buffet where there are NO healthy calories.
Take a breath.
It doesn’t make it better that the night before the day where you’re in a rut you lay awake till all hours trying to fall asleep and the harder you try the less successful you are. So, you pick up your phone and start looking at Instagram and reading blogs and other websites, which gets your brain going and you fall asleep less. Then, your husband tells you that you couldn’t fall asleep because you didn’t have sex with him which is stupid because first of all in women sex makes you stay awake (unless it’s really boring and then you fall asleep during) and also, there is no way you’re having sex with three teenagers walking around the house because they won’t think it’s Mommy and Daddy wrestling and instead will be incredibly traumatized and will need therapy and as I mentioned, there is NO money tree.
Take a breath.
It doesn’t help that I had a great time reading all the amazing books that publishers sent me this summer except once I finished one I picked up the next and didn’t pause in between to write the reviews and now I’m behind in my reviews which I promised myself wouldn’t happen again, partially because I seem to be having memory problems that I’m worried about. I’m not sure if the memory problems are due to stress, an actual medical condition or the fact that I think I may be developing a sensitivity to caffeine which may be the most distressing thing to happen to me in a long time.
Take a breath.
Luckily, I’m a happy person and I don’t stay in a rut for long. I can already feel my cheerful and positive nature pulling me out. Because my life doesn’t really suck.
As long as I don’t weigh myself tonight, I should be ok.
In case you were concerned.
