I’ve been married a while. Almost 21 years to be exact. I’m pretty sure that my matrimonial state is for keeps (fingers crossed). I mean, we’ve stuck it out this long, and I like him 85% of the time and love him 100% of the time. I think those are pretty good percentages.
Obviously though, not everyone is so lucky. The divorce rate is high (and they’ve even named January to be Divorce Month which in my opinon is weird because why are we celebrating divorce like we celebrate heart health?). But, I digress.
What was I saying? Oh, yeah. I’ve been lucky in the marriage lottery. Which means I haven’t been on a date (e.g. had to worry where my next nookie was coming from) in a long time. To tell you the truth, I’m hoping I never will. Frankly, I don’t have the energy to worry about first kisses and first nakeds and where to put my hands and whether I need a wax, etc. But Delaine Moore, author of The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom has. To great depths. And she has shared her story of personal growth through sexual awakening after divorce in her very intriguing memoir (that airs as a Lifetime movie this spring).
When Delaine asked me to review her book, I was intrigued. I think we have all wondered in a moment of weakness what it would be like to be with someone other than our current partner (long or short-term) What would we do? How would we even find a date? Would we experiment with other lifestyles? Date more than one partner? Would we be insecure or maybe braver with a stranger?
Frankly, after my first email with Delaine, I didn’t know what to expect of her book. From what she told me, and the fact that she hadn’t done a lot of publicity for privacy reasons, I was expecting graphic and titillating scenes. She told me that she hadn’t written it for fame or fortune, but rather just to share her experiences. She also told me that she felt her story was being unfairly compared to 50 Shades of Grey by some (don’t reviewers not-in-the-know compare every ‘mom porn’ book to E.L. James’ trilogy?)
I completely understood her first point (after all, this memoir takes airing out one’s dirty laundry to a new level) and the second, well, I mostly disagree. Mostly? Well, Delaine’s story is nothing like 50 Shades. It’s not about a woman out to get a man or a man out to get a woman or control, or BDSM or even really sex. Case in point, as I said, the dirty bits are not even that dirty, unlike Diary of a Submissive – which is very graphic. What this book IS about though, is romance-the author’s with herself. And it does open up a conversation, just like 50 Shades did. But, that’s where the comparisons end.
For seven years, Delaine Moore devoted herself to being the perfect wife and stay-at-home mom to her three kids. But when infidelities and betrayal plough through her life, she suddenly finds herself in a new role: 37 years old, going through a divorce, and thrown into a singlehood she has no idea how to navigate. Surprising no one more than her, her long-dormant libido rouses to show her the way.
The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom is the raw, funny and empowering story of the physical and spiritual self-discovery that results from Moore’s sexual awakening. Connecting with a fiery, daring side of her personality that has been subsumed by motherhood and marriage, Moore gradually steps further and further outside of her confined identity and sexual boundaries. From online dating and attending a sex club to traveling out of country to explore BDSM with a Dominant, Moore tests her limits, regains ownership of her body, and takes full control of her life. More than the story of a woman’s breaking and remaking after divorce, The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom is a humorous, thoughtful exploration of what it means to be a woman and a sexual being, be she a mom, wife, girlfriend, or divorcee. It also serves as a reminder that when life slams you down, a little fire won’t burn you — it will awaken you.
Delaine’s story is about a woman’s emotional and physical recovery after leaving a difficult marriage. It’s about her rediscovering her worth and value as a woman-sexual and otherwise. It’s about her finding out who she is, how far she can push her own limits, and what she wants out of life-in and out of the bedroom. Sure, there’s cougar action (one can only dream), one-night stands, wild promiscuous weekends and even some dominant / submissive action. But that’s not what it’s about.
It’s about Delaine. It’s about you, and me, and every woman who has, as she says, ‘become a chameleon’ that lives her life to please others. The book reads half like a memoir and half like a self-help book (and none like an erotica novel). So pay attention. You’ll learn something – whether or not you’re in the dating world.
I know I did. I’m glad I read it. And you will be too.
You can learn more about Delaine on her website or her blog I’m Divorced Not Dead.
PS I know you’re dying to get your hands on a copy. And Delaine wants EVERYONE to have the chance to read it now that she’s finally ready to share it big time (it’s hard to keep your secrets when there’s a movie) by having the ladies at The Social on CTV to pick it for their book club.
How is that going to happen? Well, tweet this tweet and you could win one of two copies:
Hey @TheSocialCTV! Please pick The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom by @Delaine_Moore for your book club! Tweet to win http://ow.ly/sOKIw
Don’t have Twitter? Just like my Facebook page by clicking LIKE over there in the sidebar. Already like me? How about subscribing?