I just turned 46. Yes. 4 decades plus 6. 50 – 4. 100 minus 54. o +46. Look Ma! I’m doing Maths!
Unlike a lot of people, I don’t lie about my age. I’m not turning 35 for the 10th time. I’m not 26 plus 19. I’m not 40-ish or over 30 *wink*. While some people don’t think I look my age (whatever that means), and I certainly don’t act it, I AM 46. And do believe I’ve earned the right to own all of my years, even if I feel like I’m just renting them sometimes.
This is because as part of my continual self-improvement program, I try to learn something for every year I’ve lived. That way the 365 x 46 (+ 1 for leap years) = beyond my mathematical abilities days that I’ve lived have not been wasted ones. You know, like when you go to a conference and you learn one thing so it was worth it? Like that. Only not boring and with better coffee. And no pastries. Because you know, I’m 46 and refined sugars are one delicious moment on the lips and hopefully at least 46 more years on the hips.
Life just goes so fast. You may as well know stuff. Not facts. Life stuff. The important all-knowing woman things. These are the things that I know. So far.
- Go ahead and do what you want but your actions will affect other people whether you want to admit it or not.
- You don’t have to please anyone but yourself, but the same goes for everyone. How do you like them apples?
- Being right is not more important than being nice.
- You don’t actually have to say what you’re thinking. You can just think it and walk away.
- Not every fight is worth fighting.
- People’s feelings are as valuable as yours.
- Choose your battles but when you feel compelled, go for the gusto.
- Don’t do anything half assed. If you’re going to show up, SHOW UP.
- Smile. Humans are attracted to other happy looking humans.
- Some people are just assholes and you’re never going to convince them to not be assholes. Related: sometimes you can be an asshole. Why not? You’re 46.
- Women over 40 are way sexy. Women over 40 KNOW things. Wink-worthy things.
- Be your best self. You’re the one who has to sleep with yourself every single night, so you’d better like you. A lot.
- A little meat on your bones makes you feel luscious. Even if you don’t want to admit it, those curves are delicious.
- There’s value in doing nothing at all for days on end.
- Happiness is worth more than money (even though money is great).
- You can definitely say whatever you want, but be prepared to live with the consequences.
- Good underthings make all the difference in how you feel. Related: don’t buy clothes that don’t fit. Don’t wear clothes or shoes that don’t fit. It’s uncomfortable and awkward to take your dress off in public.
- An amazing manicure is an hour well-spent.
- Sometimes it’s worth paying $5 more for something good rather than wasting $20 on something crappy.
- Don’t be afraid to say you don’t know. Fake it till you make it is a bullshit concept. If you don’t know how to do something, learn how instead of faking it till you fuck up.
- Sometimes things don’t happen for a reason. Sometimes whatever happens just sucks, nothing good comes out of the disaster, and that’s that.
- Everyone makes mistakes. Not everyone learns from them. Don’t be them.
- There are those who won’t like you, no matter what you do or what you say. However, if everyone has the same problem with you, it’s probably time to examine the common denominator (hint: it’s you).
- When you forgive, you release yourself.
- It’s not always about you.
- If it’s worth the calories, eat it. If it’s not, spit it out.
- You’ll never regret that workout.
- Movie popcorn is worth eating.
- Being able to make people laugh is a gift. Being able to make them cry (in a good way) is too.
- Throwing socks feels just as good as throwing books/glasses/china and hurts a lot less. And also, it’s not a crime.
- You can look but not touch.
- Love is not all you need, but it sure makes you feel good.
- Be proud of your taste in music (well, all entertainment really. You’ve earned the right to enjoy whatever cheesy crap you like).
- It’s ok to regret your life choices. Not being able to have do-overs is frustrating.
- Sometimes douche bags are just insecure people looking for a friend. And sometimes they’re just douche bags.
- Those who live in glass houses love to throw stones. So get a stone house and don’t invite them over.
- You can tolerate even the most irritating or nasty people if you try to understand their WHY. Or you learn to ignore them. Or you can never leave the house. Because most people are irritating and nasty. It’s because of life.
- Love yourself a lot. That way you’re assured you’re well-loved.
- Go ahead and be in a bad mood. Wallow. Then find something that makes you happy. Because #9.
- You can dance if you want to.
- Don’t be a doormat. Unless you want to be one. Then be one. But then don’t complain about it.
- Breathe in the small moments.
- You don’t have to act like an intellectual just to impress people. If you don’t follow politics, just say so.
- Go ahead and wear it. Fuck ’em if they don’t like it. But be prepared to be horrified at the photos.
- Why buy clothes when you can borrow your daughter’s? Just bring a Tide stick with you so she doesn’t find out.
- IT’S NEVER TOO LATE.
47. Don’t lie, but if you must, make your lies unverifiable (courtesy of the TV show SEED. I’m no plagiarizer.)
P.S. I actually know more things than these, but I have to get older so I can say them. I’m a rule follower.
What do you know? How many things? As many as me?