The FML Files: Good Things do not Happen in Threes

The FML Files

 

 

Welcome to today’s episode of your life is probably better than mine. Now I know that you think I live a charmed life with all my reading and cooking and witty repartee. You may be right-ish (not right-O. That means ok in British). After all, I have a roof over my head, enough water to drink, a fairly nice family (82% of the time), and more than enough food to ensure that my waist size maintains it’s steady upward climb.

 

However even those of us favoured by the gods experience periods of bad happenstance. Perhaps it’s because I have been walking on the dark side lately (oh, how I regret writing this post and the subsequent Are you OK???? follow up calls which proved my point that I’m not actually allowed to be in a bad mood.) Maybe I’ve forgotten to enable my Powers of Attraction (PoA ENGAGE!) . Or maybe I’m just sending bad vibes out there with all my pathetic optimistic hopefulness. You know, seek and ye shall reap the crap out of a good life? Or something like that?

 

Seriously. FML my 1st world problems.

 

Because no jokes, I’m sure you’ll agree that my life sucks more than yours. In a funny, like OH MY GOD I’M GLAD I’M NOT HER kinda way. Not in a put her on TV and make her the figurehead of a cause kind of way (because the only cause I could spokelady is the Don’t Leave the House or Something Will Happen to You (or Actually it Might Happen to You at Home Irregardless) Society (DLHSWHY-AMHYHI for short) Sure, lots of people’s lives suck worse than mine. There’s a whole community of us suffering from severe cases of OMG Not Again-itis. But I’d like to believe, in my efforts to always put my best food forward and give 110% to whatever I do,  that I take my can’t catch a break status to a new level.

 

Case study:  Bed bugs from a Red Roof Inn in a Kentuckian dry town. Did I ever finish that story?

 

Anyways, in today’s episode of FML you don’t want to be me, we’ve got three key elements: mystery, injury, and DANGER (ooohhhh…)

 

Saturday Mystery:

 

I moved the car at 9:30 am. and it was all fancy and almost-new car like. This is what the car looked like at 11:30 am. Guess my driveway isn’t the safest place to park the car. Also guess who gets to pay the deductible?

 

Hit and Run in my driveway

 

Sunday Injury:

 

Picture that you’re just standing still in your kitchen. All of a sudden, you can’t breath or move. You heard a POP but you didn’t realize it was your back.  Let’s play the statue game. Am I really this old?

 

Monday DANGER:

 

Cruisin’ downtown on the ever busy highway in the rental car (see Saturday mystery), and POP (Nothing good ever comes when you hear a POP – see Sunday: Injury) goes the weasel. No not really. POP goes my tire. On the rental car. Good times to be had sitting at the side of the (did I say really busy) highway for 45 minutes in the heat of summer waiting for a tow truck driver. Pretty sure he took so long because he stopped for any icy cold drink and a swim. Even worse, no firemen showed up to rescue me. Just a policeman. And he stayed in his car. Because hot + jeans + pretty but not natural fibre shirt = don’t get too close.

 

Monday Danger: Flat tire

 

 

They say that things happen for a reason, but I’m pretty sure that in these three cases it was more like things just happen.

 

Have a nice day. And remember…

 

Roald Dahl Quote about Sunbeams

 

But if you have bad thoughts, they will shoot out of your butt like lighting and and you won’t have very many friends.

 

Or something like that….In the words of the almighty duck haired Howard Jones

 

Peace out. xoxo Mara

 

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