Have you ever wondered what us Jews do at Christmas time? While you’re spending all your money on presents, hours upon hours decorating and wrapping gifts, moving tiny elves around to get your kids to behave, untangling blinking lights, dressing up as Santa, attending Christmas pageants, watching Christmas TV specials, cranking the Christmas tunes, and getting shickered (that’s yiddish for drunk) on Egg Nog (disgusting) and pieces of broken Christmas cookies (no calories in pieces), do you ever wonder what WE’RE doing?
Well, I’ll tell you what we are NOT doing. We are not spending all of our dollars on presents, wrapping them for hours, moving tiny elves around to get our kids to behave (we use good old guilt instead) untangling blinking lights, dressing up as Santa, attending Christmas pageants, or getting drunk on egg nog (Christmas TV specials and tunes and broken cookies to be addressed below).
So what ARE we doing to keep busy during this glorious holiday season (besides avoiding the mall and being extremely jealous of your pretty tree?)? Here’s what.
What Do Jews Do at Christmas? Here’s What:
- We’re secretly singing along to all the Christmas music, even though we’re as sick of it as you are.
- We’re eating Chinese food on Christmas Eve (although there are so many more options these days, we’re sticking with chop suey and chicken balls. You don’t mess with tradition.)
- We’re watching Charlie Brown’s Christmas because you don’t have to be Christmas-type people to love this particular holiday special more than anything in the whole world.
- We’re burning up Netflix for all the Christmas movies on offer. We’re watching Elf and Love Actually over and over and over. We’re also watching Christmas Vacation, White Christmas, Miracle on 34th Street, and all the other Christmas movies ever made. Because we like Christmas movies.
- We’re taking advantage of the holiday promotions and sales to buy all kinds of things for ourselves on discount.
- We’re going to the biggsest blockbuster movies on Christmas Day, and we’re showing up 5 minutes before the show starts, knowing we don’t have to line-up.
- We’re chuckling at the frenzied last minute shopping. Sometimes we go to the gas station to watch the men look for ‘just the right thing’ at 6:01 on Christmas eve.
- We’re leaving late knowing that there will be no traffic because everyone is buying brie and chocolate at Costco.
- We’re wearing reindeer headbands and santa hats because you get to so why can’t we?
- We’re being jealous of your pretty trees and all of your presents, but still glad that we don’t have to deal with all that mess nor clean it up afterwards.
- We’re not decorating our houses with thousands of lights, but we do really want that 20 foot blow up Santa on our front lawns.
- We’re enjoying all of the holiday treats, chocolates, cookies and parties, because, hey, why not.
- We’re loving the two-week break we get from life, and the week leading up to it when it seems everyone is already mentally on vacation.
- We’re wishing we had Christmas dinner replete with tacky sweaters, family strife, too much food, and cranky children (no, we’re not. We have that at Rosh Hashana, Passover, and pretty much every Friday night. Well, not the sweaters, but everything else.)
photo source: thedailygreen.com
- We’re happily participating in the the workplace Secret Santa knowing that it’s the only gift we’re getting.
- We’re confused how underpants and socks are a good stocking present.
- We’re wondering how all the parents get their kids to believe in the improbability of Santa Claus, and where we can get some of that.
- We’re spending hours explaining to our young children why they can be as naughty or nice as they want, and Santa is STILL not going to come down the chimney.
MOST OF ALL, We’re loving the spirit of generosity and giving that seems to pervade everything, everywhere. It’s so jolly. AND SO, We’re wishing you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HO, HO, HO. Send candy canes.
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