Is there nothing a vat of Pinot Noir and a bucket of mashed potatoes cannot fix?
That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but I need to tell you something.
If you thought yesterday was bad, today was much, much worse.
I’m green-eyed (or rather greener eyed) at all of your positive and uplifting outlooks for 2016. Screw your rainbows and glitter and resolutions. Because so far, mine has been shit.
So much for The.Best.Year.Ever.
Thus far, the only things that have been good about this first week week of the new year are 1) I went to the gym twice; 2) My blow-out looks really good 3) I haven’t been arrested. Yet. But since I’ve watched 127,000 episodes of The Good Wife on Netflix in the last 2 1/2 weeks, I know—and you know—that at any point I could be framed for any number of imaginary offences.
But I digress, as always.
From staying up to late even though I swore I would go to bed to getting my period RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of my crossfit class. From Brazen Woman being down for more than 24 hours and then 1/3 of the posts mysteriously disappearing during what was supposed to be a painless facelift (are they ever?). From irrational peri-menopausal crankiness to feeling like I’m doing everything wrong to missing my middle child who’s returned to university, probably never to be seen or heard from again. From my pants being too tight to my dark circles being too freaking dark, to my skin feeling dry and my closet being too messy.
It’s been Chicky and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Two Days.
They’re making me bitchy.
I don’t like feeling bitchy, yo.
It’s like Grrr… and Blech and Feck Off to everyone.
Including computers, the internets, and the whole world (except you, because you’re nice. I like you). Because nothing is working out and I chipped a little piece off the spout of my precious little ceramic milk jug.
I think I’m off coffee which means I don’t even know myself anymore.
Who is this person who drinks Tetley Tea?
Did you know that cauliflower is $7.99 and celery is $3.99? How am I supposed to feed my family with those exorbitant prices? At this point, spaghetti, meat, and potatoes are looking pretty attractive except there’s a little issue with the pants and the tightness.
It’s all so irritating.
WHY did I wear leggings for the entire winter break?
I wish I was Alicia Florrick. She’s so calm and collected.
Except her bad days mean finding out her husband has slept with 42 prostitutes, her lover has been gunned down in a courtroom, and her favourite client has had yet another woman murdered in his home.
I guess I’m more of an Elsbeth Tascioni anyways. You know, because she sees unicorns.
Aren’t we supposed to be feeling optimistic right now? Maybe this is a lesson. You know, an ‘it’s only up from here’ kind of lesson?
On the upside, I’m going to Vegas tomorrow (AWESOME) for the Consumer Electronic Show (CES) as the guest of Whirlpool Canada.
I’ve never been to CES so that is going to be very cool and I’m going to test out one of my New Year’s goals which is to become more of an alone person. I was intending on going to a movie by myself, but since Vegas isn’t really an alone place, let’s say go big or go home. I have all day Saturday by myself. In Sin City. Maybe I’ll hit an Elvis Chapel and marry me.
I guess this year isn’t shaping up to be so bad.
Except I have to pack for three days in a carry-on bag, and I’m not exactly a light packer. How am I supposed to know what I’m going to feel like wearing on Friday?
Plus, there’s the matter of the Pinot Noir.
Do I watch too much TV?