This is it folks. The ride is over. I’m turning over a new leaf and closing down my blog. This annoying piece of internet real-estate takes up too much of my time and really with so little reward. You guys don’t appreciate me. Nobody even comments anymore. I’m depressed. I hardly smile. And I feel the limited years I have left on earth would be better spent doing other more productive things like growing my own vegetables, cleaning toilets, and organizing my closets. I might take up really Grown-Up Endeavours. Like being a banker or lawyer or serious person.
As of today I’m going to become a pillar of society. I may even run for office. After I learn about politics.
- I’m going to start cleaning my house every day. In particular, I’m going to learn how to use the vacuum.
- I’m going to get up at 5:30 am every morning.
- I’m going to do a LOT of math.
- I’m not going to use social media at all. In fact, I’m closing down my Twitter and Facebook accounts.
- I’m not going to read books anymore. Reading books is boring and useless.
- I’m going to start micromanaging my kids. And there will be no more joking around in this house. Dancing will be prohibited.
- I’m never going to the gym again. It’s not worthwhile and I’m not accomplishing anything.
- I’m going to be very mature. Practicing immaturity is really..well..immature.
- I’m going to become rude and mean. Being nice is like being a doormat. Those days of caring about other people are so over.
- I’m not cooking anymore. I’m only ordering out or opening cans. With lots of preservatives.
- I’m never drinking wine again.
- I’m going to use punctuation inappropriately. In fact, I’m going to misuse all the apostrophe’s that I can.
- I’m going to get a full triple full senior executive fancy time job out of the house. Working from home really isn’t working for me.
- I’m never going to play April Fools jokes on my blog again.
GOTCHA! WHAT? A girl has to amuse herself.
You knew I was joking, right? And if you didn’t, then you deserve your panic. Because Option A: you couldn’t honestly think I was going to take up housewifery as a daily activity. Or, Option B: you’ve never read my blog before. In which case you would have had no idea that I was joking and probably think I’m a total knob now. Forgive me yet? No? This bribe should work: what can happen when people misuse quotation marks.
I leave your with this additional conciliatory gift which advertises a valuable product integral to successful parenting.
Hopefully, it will make you forgive me for the cruel joke April Fools Joke I just played on you. Or maybe not. Depends if you have a sense of humor. Or if you were actually wishing that I was quitting blogging.
Back to regular programming tomorrow!
xoxo Mara. Stay real.