My husband has dumped me for a new girl. And I’m thrilled.
He can’t wait to see her, and rushes home early from work to climb on her back. He likes to polish her chrome and caress her till all hours of the night.
He’s been buying her gifts, and dresses up in fancy leather jackets just for her.
He even asked me to take a picture of them together. The nerve.
You’re thinking Midlife Crisis. Well, that would make sense, except that this isn’t the first time he’s had one of those. He’s had a 1/3 life crisis, a five years after that crisis, and now this one.
We’ve been through guitar lessons, professional photography, kite boarding, running and cycling. Usually, if I humour him, his interests seem to burn themselves out pretty quickly, even though they quickly drain our (not) disposable income.
This is the second time the motorcycle, or as I like to call it, ‘my road to riches from insurance money’, has entered the equation. The first time I was able to
nag talk him out of riding the hog This time, not so much. Maybe I’m losing my touch. Because while I didn’t actually give my blessing, I protested the bike in such a milquetoasty way that he chose to interpret my apathy as acquiescence.
Anyways, there really are more pros than cons to this motorcycling, when I look at it from my perspective (isn’t it always about me?).
And, since obviously, I’m going to have to ride this one out (get it?) I’m look over the rainbow reflecting off the Zayde’s Angels Patch he’s sporting on the back of his jacket, and straight into ‘how does this thing benefit me’ land.
- Its really dangerous.
- He’ll be gone a lot on the weekends (oh, wait, that might be a pro)
- Its expensive (oh wait, that might be a pro also)
- He’ll be having a lot of ‘HE’ time. I won’t have to feel guilty when I want to go to yoga, or get manicures or go shopping for hours or merely hang at the BFF’s.
- He’ll be having a lot of ’HE’ time and will be feeling guilty about it (because I will make him), and will thus have to make it up to me.
- He bought himself a motorcycle. That covers the next 40 years of birthdays, anniversaries, and Fathers Days.
- He bought himself a motorcycle. He cannot object to anything I want to buy myself for the next 40 years or so.
- Since he’ll be riding his motorcycle, the daughter will no longer nag me for my car, and I won’t be trapped at home.
- Since he’s got himself a solitary totally narcissistic hobby called the motorcycle, he cannot harass me about mine, which is Twitter.
- This motorcycle give me eternal AMMUNITION. ’You bought a motorcycle..so…’
See, way more Pros than Cons. That’s how our marriage rolls. Give and take. And manipulation.
Sayonara Easy Rider, I’m off to the Spa.