On Regaining Equilibrium

April 23, 2012 By

divi divi trees keep growing crooked

The last few years were full of change for me.  Multiple career changes, workplace bullying, the loss of my father, babies turning into teenagers.  Change.

I felt unbalanced.  Emotionally, out of whack. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going.  My self-esteem was at an all-time low.

My body felt it too.  I gained back the 10 lbs that I’d kept off for  years.  I stopped exercising, and used every excuse in the book to justify purchasing the next size up, including insisting to myself that my nanny was shrinking my clothes.

I started working full-time again, after years at home with my kids.  I disconnected as a Mother, even forgetting to search my scattered boys’ backpacks for notes.  I didn’t even know what they liked for lunch anymore.  I started travelling for work, missing days upon days of my childrens’ lives.  I hated trying to balance everyone else’s needs with my own. So, I got lazy, gave up, just let everything slide.

I started practicing hot yoga, but wasn’t committed entirely to strengthening my body, but more than importantly than that, my spirit. I would go, and stop, and go.  Even with the new ways that yoga enabled my body to move,  the physical effects of my imbalance continued to show.  My skin was dull and blotchy, my hair thinned out, and I started to see some wiry greys poking their way through.

The worst? My body started to rebel against the instability, and I started to get aches and pains and injuries that interfered with both my daily life and my ability to stay fit.  One day I couldn’t move my neck, the next I had tendonitis so bad in my wrist I couldn’t even type, never mind wash my hair.  I had pain in my leg so bad I sometimes felt I couldn’t walk.

Even when I was practicing yoga, I felt crooked. When I’d lay in Savasana, it was like I couldn’t get flat. My hips weren’t level, one should higher than the other.  It was like one side of my body wanted to go one way, and the other another. In the mirror, I saw the physical effects of my lack of symmetry. I’d pull back into boat pose and would appear to be leaning to one side.  I’d lie to myself and think it was my towel or my mat askew, but it wasn’t. It was me.

A few months ago, I started to feel my life straightening itself out.  I found work that I loved, had supportive friends; I’d weeded out the chaff.  So I thought….

My yoga teacher pulled me aside after class last week.  ’I notice you’re crooked.  You’re off balance.’  What?  I was totally feeling on track.

It wasn’t just in my head, I realized.  Other people could see on the outside how I’d been feeling on the inside.  I thought I was more centred;  at least that’s how I felt. What was going on?  Was it just taking longer for my physical to catch up to my spiritual?

‘You need to stand more grounded.’ the yoga instructor continued, ‘Plant your feet to the earth. Centre yourself, keep your weight even on both sides.  Other people work on contracting. Your practice is lengthening.  Grounding and lengthening. Use your centre and your breath to keep you even.’

I walked away thinking about what she said. It seemed like I still had a lot of work to do to regain my equilibrium.  But, I was heading in the right direction, since I was aware.   I knew, that unlike the Divi Divi Tree that naturally grows crooked, I didn’t have to stay like this permanently.

I could stretch and lengthen, open myself up to balance, use my centre, and, of course, breathe.

 

If I’m losing balance in a pose, I stretch higher and God reaches down to steady me.  It works every time, and not just in yoga. 

~Terri Guillemets

 

Editor’s Note:  Today at Yoga, another teacher said something even more compelling:  ’You cannot change from the outside in.  You must change from the inside out. ‘

Filed Under: Exercise, Life, Yoga Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Sometimes Yoga is Better than Sex

April 11, 2012 By

Yoga

I know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking that I’m crazy. Especially if you’re one of the millions of women who’ve just read  50 Shades of Grey, and are imagining all the kinds of excitement that can happen between the sheets (or on the floor, table, shower…)

I tell you, I’m serious. I’m completely and totally serious.

I had an epiphany today, while laying in Savasana at the end of my Moksha Yoga class.  I’ve written about yoga before, first when I started, and then when I had a wakeup call after getting cocky about my practice.  Yoga is hard for me, with my busy brains and all, but I persevere.  Even through multiple injuries that have sidetracked me, and set me back for months. Even with my fear of anything to do with being upside down, on my head, or straining my neck*.  I persevere through all that-the busy mind, the reluctant body, the fight from my psyche.

Today I was reminded why I keep going to hot yoga.  I lay there, flat on my back, my mind clear, the corners of my mouth turning up, limbs completely heavy and totally relaxed. I was blissfully euphoric.  And then it hit me.  It was just like…you know…after good sex.

So then, why do I say yoga’s better?  Isn’t it the same?

Nope. Here’s why.

In yoga, I’m concerned only with myself. I’m in my own little bubble.  Sure, I’m supposed to send energy out to the other people in the room, but really, my practice is all about my body, what I’m doing, how I feel.  I’m supposed to be selfish.

During a class, if I don’t want to participate in a pose, I can just lay down and close my eyes, and nobody cares.  If I want to stop, I just stop.

When I’m practicing yoga, my body is perfect. I’m not worrying about how I look or where my blobby bits are landing.  I have strength, confidence and grace because I’m honouring how my body moves. When I’m practicing yoga, all of my parts just seem to be in the right place.

There are no expectations in yoga practice, except to be present. (and not to talk, which is really hard for me).

Some days I’m good at yoga, and some days I’m not.  And, that’s ok.  I feel really good afterwards, no matter how I perform.

It’s ok to get really sweaty and smelly during a hot yoga class. In fact, its de rigeur.  Your hair and clothing sticks to your head, the sweat drips off your body onto your mat.  You’re completely soaked, and its not yucky or sticky.  Its beautiful, and detoxifying, and just makes you feel amazing, and you don’t have to touch anyone while you are in that condition.

The tools and props are pretty benign looking.  You’d be amazed what you can do with a little block of cork.   Plus, you don’t need to need to buy these accessories at a Passion Party or have them delivered in plain brown paper wrapping.  They’re all there at the side of the room. And, they don’t need batteries.

I always know what to expect in a Moksha class, and it doesn’t get old or routine.  The poses generally don’t change, and if they do, the instructor walks you through the new positions so that you do them properly.  When your positioning is wrong, or you can’t do something, you’re gently corrected, with verbal cues, and if you don’t get it right, there’s always the next time.  No harm, no foul.

So, that’s it. That’s why I think sometimes yoga can be better than sex.  Sometimes.

Namaste.

Do you practice yoga?  Do you do anything that makes you feel so good?

*when I was eight years old, my gym teacher, who was from the Israeli army, forced me into a backwards somersault.  I strained my neck that day, and my body still resists any type of movement like that, which precludes shoulder stand, plow pose, and even headstands.

Filed Under: Exercise, Humour, Yoga Tagged With: , , , ,

Just When You Think You’re Good at Yoga

December 2, 2011 By

I was at yoga today and the instructor led us in a completely different routine than I was expecting.  The poses were all out of order and she did some that were completely new to me, and that I had trouble with because of my hamstring injury.  I got irritated, which isn’t the purpose of yoga, OBVIOUSLY.   Also, her core exercises were really hard, and that pissed me off too.  I went to that class looking for a Friday Zen, and instead, I was reminded about how much work I have to do.  In retrospect, that class reminded me that one mustn’t rest on one’s laurels.  I was thinking I was getting pretty good at this Yoga Stuff.  Then, I got reminded, that sure, I can do the regular Moksha sequence, but there is WAY MORE OUT THERE to learn.

The instructor also said that if you’re going to yoga just for fitness or to get a ‘yoga body’ then you should think twice, and expand your reasons. There’s a lot more to be gained, even more than having a legit reason to stock up on Lululemons.  For example there’s the insight into myself I learned today, which is that I THINK I’m really easygoing and adaptable, but I’m ACTUALLY a creature of habit.  Also, I discovered that not being able to do the poses she presented made me mad.  Since I finally found an athletic pursuit I as good at, I forgot what it’s like to be a beginner.  It was good be reminded (since I’ve never actually been good at a sport before), that I’m never really more than a beginner at the next level of my development

It’s funny that this happened to me the day after I read this article Adam Levine and his philosophy and reasons for doing yoga exclusively to any other ‘fitness’ activities.  He talks about the physical and mental benefits that he’s gained, and they are ones that I’d like to achieve also, but only if I take my practice to the next level.

Adam Levin: One hot yogi

Adam agrees and disagrees with my instructor.

He said, ‘”I don’t like how people bullshit about how yoga is not about vanity.” Not that he doesn’t appreciate the spiritual benefits—Levine sees his routines as a therapeutic antidote to the distortions of his career. “Playing a show before thousands of people is a highly unnatural state,” he says, “and when I get on the mat to do an hour of yoga before the show, I come out physically relaxed.”

My favourite thing he said, which I totally identified with, when talking about how his gym routine was a dead end, was:

“Weights made my neck thick, and I would be like, ‘I’m turning into a monster!’ Yoga takes what you have and molds and sculpts it, which is a much more natural way to look and feel.”

I totally agree with that.  I used to work out 2 hrs a day. But, it was boring.  And I was trying to turn my body into something its not.  As I get older (and yes, I’m well into the Cougar years), I want to look like me, only AWESOME:  lean, and fit, and strong, and confident.

That’s why I do yoga now.  And, I should thank the instructor today for reminding me that if I want to get better, I need to keep going out of my comfort zone.  Or else, I’ll never be able to do this:

Adam Levine: One-Legged Koundinyasana II:

Enjoy this little yogic musical interlude.

Filed Under: Exercise, Getting Older, Life, Yoga Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Moksha Yoga: What doesn’t make you Vomit makes you Namaste?

March 24, 2011 By

 

That's totally NOT what I look like when I do yoga

What is Moksha Yoga?  Well, it”s a series of yoga poses practiced in a 100 degree  room.  Its also known as Hot Yoga, but that term also includes Bikram Yoga, and those places who say its Hot Yoga but they just put a space heater on.  Moksha Yoga is heated by radiant panels in the ceiling. There are also blessed ceiling fans for cooling the place down when the instructor thinks someone is going to pass out.  Basically, its hot and its yoga.

A lot of people go to Moksha Yoga to get a Zen and peace-be-with-you vibe.  I started going for a few reasons (none of which I think count as Zen)

1. To lose my blobby bits (that’s pure Bridget Jones) and wear Lululemon legitimately.

2. Because I’m completely uncoordinated and I sort of don’t suck at yoga as much as I do at other sports

3. Because of the heat,  I heard it makes you lose weight without really trying (1000 calories/hr?!?!) , and essentially I’m extremely lazy

4. They opened one near my house and they had a special. (Who doesn’t like a special?)

5.  My bff said it made her skin glow and look younger.

This is what I really found:

1.    My blobby bits are definitely getting firmer. They might be getting smaller if I would stop eating potato chips as a nice light, pre-yoga snack. And I have bought several lululemon outfits that are rather flattering and gorgeous.

2.  I’m getting pretty good at it. Today, I didn’t fall over once. The teacher told me I rocked it, and I didn’t feel like my legs were going to catch on fire. I do have to clarify my skill by saying that Moksha itself doesn’t usually include headstands, or those poses where you levitate upside down on one finger.  That’s Ashtanga.  I tried an Ashtanga class. We’ll talk about that later.

3.  It might burn that many calories, but to get there, it’s hard, sweaty, hard work.  There’s nothing easy about it.  Unfortunately, during this hard sweaty work, some of the men who are namaste-ing think its a grand idea to do their yoga SHIRTLESS.  Umm, I know you think that’s gross , but actually, its even grosser than you can even imagine. If I have to look at it, so should you have a picture painted:  they start their yoga and they’re already sweaty cuz they’re guys. Then, the sweat just starts pouring  off their sweaty bodies.  There’s nothing, like a shirt, to catch the sweat.  So its just starts dropping to their towel, the mat, wherever. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, they’re wearing short shorts. That’s even more special.  I actually tried Bikram a few years ago, but never went back because there was a guy doing it in his underwear.  What makes anyone think thats ok? (By the way, my guy friend who goes to yoga says that these same guys walk around the changeroom NAKED and try to talk to him.  Naked sweaty talking-definitely not COOL)

4.  It was a great deal.  I am getting my money’s worth.  Now that I’ve actually started going.  When I first joined, I started taking classes, then I was too lazy to go for a month, then I went a couple of times, then I slept in, then I travelled for business (you get the drift).  I was following a pattern.  Then, I set my self the goal that I would go whenever I didn’t have anything else (actual activity, not procrastinatory) to do.  And that seems to have worked.  I’m currently on Day 4 of a 14 day challenge.  How do I force myself to go?   I’m not actually sure. This has never happened before.

5.  I don’t think I am glowing or that I look younger.  But, really, who cares.  (Well everyone)

The cycle of Moksha goes like this.  Before the class, I want to go, then I don’t want to go, then I’m too tired to go, then I tell 3 people I’m going so I have to go, then I offer to drive someone there so I have to go.

I’m in the class.  Partway through, I can’t decide if I want to die or vomit, especially when we do Pretzel (a much better name than Eagle pose).

Pretzel (aka Eagle pose) and a sweaty guy

Then, we do Warrior pose which makes me feel like Sheena Queen of the Jungle.  Dancer pose makes me feel as graceful as can be (except when I fall over flat on my face).  I’m energized by the midway  ‘nap’ pose (Savasana to you plebes), but occasionally feel nauseous when someone takes ‘Wind Release’ pose seriously.  Usually, I complete the floor poses with confidence and strength (partly because I’m not standing up anymore and there’s an awful lot of ‘now lay your head down and take a rest’. )

'Nap pose' otherwise known as Savasana

After the class I stride out like a real pro, totally addicted to the restful high the Moksha creates.

So, do I love it? Yes.  Have I vomited yet?  Nooope.  And, actually, I must confess, I am getting a bit Zen.  Its scaring me.  I even blessed my third eye today (don’t ask).

Filed Under: Exercise, Yoga Tagged With: , ,