46 Things I Know Now That I’m 46

I just turned 46. Yes. 4 decades plus 6. 50 – 4. 100 minus 54. o +46. Look Ma! I’m doing Maths!

 

Unlike a lot of people, I don’t lie about my age. I’m not turning 35 for the 10th time. I’m not 26 plus 19. I’m not 40-ish or over 30 *wink*. While some people don’t think I look my age (whatever that means), and I certainly don’t act it, I AM 46. And do believe I’ve earned the right to own all of my years, even if I feel like I’m just renting them sometimes.

 

46 Things I Know Now that I'm 46

 

This is because as part of my continual self-improvement program, I try to learn something for every year I’ve lived. That way the 365 x 46 (+ 1 for leap years) = beyond my mathematical abilities days that I’ve lived have not been wasted ones. You know, like when you go to a conference and you learn one thing so it was worth it? Like that. Only not boring and with better coffee. And no pastries. Because you know, I’m 46 and refined sugars are one delicious moment on the lips and hopefully at least 46 more years on the hips.

 

Life just goes so fast. You may as well know stuff. Not facts. Life stuff. The important all-knowing woman things. These are the things that I know. So far.

 

  1. Go ahead and do what you want but your actions will affect other people whether you want to admit it or not.
  2. You don’t have to please anyone but yourself, but the same goes for everyone. How do you like them apples?
  3. Being right is not more important than being nice.
  4. You don’t actually have to say what you’re thinking. You can just think it and walk away.
  5. Not every fight is worth fighting.
  6. People’s feelings are as valuable as yours.
  7. Choose your battles but when you feel compelled, go for the gusto.
  8. Don’t do anything half assed. If you’re going to show up, SHOW UP.
  9. Smile. Humans are attracted to other happy looking humans.
  10. Some people are just assholes and you’re never going to convince them to not be assholes. Related: sometimes you can be an asshole. Why not? You’re 46.
  11. Women over 40 are way sexy. Women over 40 KNOW things. Wink-worthy things.
  12. Be your best self. You’re the one who has to sleep with yourself every single night, so you’d better like you. A lot.
  13. A little meat on your bones makes you feel luscious. Even if you don’t want to admit it, those curves are delicious.
  14. There’s value in doing nothing at all for days on end.
  15. Happiness is worth more than money (even though money is great).
  16. You can definitely say whatever you want, but be prepared to live with the consequences.
  17. Good underthings make all the difference in how you feel. Related: don’t buy clothes that don’t fit. Don’t wear clothes or shoes that don’t fit. It’s uncomfortable and awkward to take your dress off in public.
  18. An amazing manicure is an hour well-spent.
  19. Sometimes it’s worth paying $5 more for something good rather than wasting $20 on something crappy.
  20. Don’t be afraid to say you don’t know. Fake it till you make it is a bullshit concept. If you don’t know how to do something, learn how instead of faking it till you fuck up.
  21. Sometimes things don’t happen for a reason. Sometimes whatever happens just sucks, nothing good comes out of the disaster,  and that’s that.
  22. Everyone makes mistakes. Not everyone learns from them. Don’t be them.
  23. There are those who won’t like you, no matter what you do or what you say. However, if everyone has the same problem with you, it’s probably time to examine the common denominator (hint: it’s you).
  24. When you forgive, you release yourself.
  25. It’s not always about you.
  26. If it’s worth the calories, eat it. If it’s not, spit it out.
  27. You’ll never regret that workout.
  28. Movie popcorn is worth eating.
  29. Being able to make people laugh is a gift. Being able to make them cry (in a good way) is too.
  30. Throwing socks feels just as good as throwing books/glasses/china and hurts a lot less. And also, it’s not a crime.
  31. You can look but not touch.
  32. Love is not all you need, but it sure makes you feel good.
  33. Be proud of your taste in music (well, all entertainment really. You’ve earned the right to enjoy whatever cheesy crap you like).
  34. It’s ok to regret your life choices. Not being able to have do-overs is frustrating.
  35. Sometimes douche bags are just insecure people looking for a friend. And sometimes they’re just douche bags.
  36. Those who live in glass houses love to throw stones. So get a stone house and don’t invite them over.
  37. You can tolerate even the most irritating or nasty people if you try to understand their WHY. Or you learn to ignore them. Or you can never leave the house. Because most people are irritating and nasty. It’s because of life.
  38. Love yourself a lot. That way you’re assured you’re well-loved.
  39. Go ahead and be in a bad mood. Wallow. Then find something that makes you happy. Because #9.
  40. You can dance if you want to.
  41. Don’t be a doormat. Unless you want to be one. Then be one. But then don’t complain about it.
  42. Breathe in the small moments.
  43. You don’t have to act like an intellectual just to impress people. If you don’t follow politics, just say so.
  44. Go ahead and wear it. Fuck ‘em if they don’t like it. But be prepared to be horrified at the photos.
  45. Why buy clothes when you can borrow your daughter’s? Just bring a Tide stick with you so she doesn’t find out.
  46. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE.

 

BONUS

47. Don’t lie, but if you must, make your lies unverifiable (courtesy of the TV show SEED. I’m no plagiarizer.)

 

P.S. I actually know more things than these, but I have to get older so I can say them. I’m a rule follower.

 

What do you know? How many things? As many as me?

 

 

 

 

 

I Love Myself or How I Overcame my Insecure-niacism

be who you are, love yourself

 

Oh crap. I’m just going to spit it out. I think I’m amazing.  Stop laughing. It’s true.

 

I’m fantastic and I know it.  You could say that I’m newly conceited.  Proud possessor of a swelled head.  Full of self-adoration. Possibly a self-stalker.

 

I’ve been putting off writing this post because I didn’t want anyone to think that I thought too much of myself. Self-love is not socially acceptable. That is unless you’re watching a porno. But then I couldn’t hold my feelings in any longer. I’m throwing caution to the winds. Putting it all on the table, as it were.

 

You see, I’m a recovering Insecure-niac.

 

Never heard of Insecure-niacism?

 

Insecure-niacism: n. a condition where one is full of self-doubt, unsure of one’s value or abilities, or that anyone even likes one (because why would they?) Usually brought on by life experiences including bullies, mean girls, and generalized personality silliness. Symptoms include fishing for compliments, refusal to accept compliments on the basis that they are unfounded, the seeking of approval from others, and denial of insecurities.

 

Lately, though, I’ve become aware that I’m quite awesome. I’ve found my niche. I’m living the Why The Hell Not List. My dreams of Jewprah are slowly coming true, and I’m pretty sure I have fans after my stellar speaking engagement (ok fine I was on a panel) at ShesConnected 2012 .

 

I know that it sounds like I’m really high on myself (which I’m pretty sure I am). But, it’s required that I share all of these findings and accomplishments with you as part of the TEN STEPS that form the structure of my Insecure-Niacs Anonymous meetings.

 

(I’m not naming names or anything, but there are a few celebrities who are also doing the steps…)

 

Tom cruise is a recovering Insecure-niac

 

sally field oscar acceptance speech they like me they really like me

 

I have to tell you, I am really digging being completely self-absorbed.  I highly recommend it.

 

Because I’m generous, and to thank you in advance for going off to  tell everyone how great you think I am, here is the 10 Steps to Loving Yourself Program.

 

  1. Tell yourself you are really good.
  2. Tell yourself you’re gorgeous.
  3. Tell haters to go suck ass.
  4. Say what you want to say and stick by it.
  5. Ignore the naysayers.
  6. Smile a lot. In the mirror.
  7. Wear your fabulousness like a purple glittery feather boa. Wave it in people’s faces.
  8. Be proud.
  9. Know that they’re laughing because they’re jealous.
  10. Tell everyone. Toot your own horn. If you don’t believe it, they won’t.

 

By the way, did you know that this song was written about me? I mean, listen to the lyrics.

 

Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it’s you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it…

 

 

How much do you love me? Seriously!  And, more importantly, how much do you love yourself? If the answer is not enough, go do the steps and report back.

 

 

Day 6: Jewish Guilt isn’t THAT hard to overcome

So, today’s Day 6 task was to ‘shrug it off’.  I’m supposed to live guilt-free today, as apparently beating myself up about the little things will only lead to self-defeat and stress.  However, I’m JEWISH.  So, the guilt-free thing is a hard one, supposedly.

What I tried to do, however, is follow the teachings of my yoga teachers.  When thoughts invade when you are practicing yoga, you are supposed to welcome them, embrace them, and then let them go.  Just like little birdies, you send them to fly away.  So, in that spirit, here are some things I felt guilty about today, and FORCED MYSELF TO LET GO.

I felt guilty about my daughter who didn’t feel well, and who I made go to school anyways. Oh, actually, I didn’t feel that bad as she wasn’t really sick, but just didn’t want to get up.

I felt guilty about sitting at Bagel World and having a long and chatty breakfast with my friend.  Oh, actually, i didn’t feel guilty about that, since its been a long time since I had a nice breakfast with a friend.

I felt guilty about eating a double poppy toasted flat bagel with cream cheese at aforementioned breakfast. Oh, actually, I didn’t feel guilty about that since I had poached eggs with the bagel, which are definitely lo cal.

I felt guilty about spending $250 at Costco. Oh actually, I didn’t as I  bought TP and paper towels on sale and actually SAVED $8.00 doing so.

I felt guilty about the 9 loads of laundry that were waiting for me at home while I was out doing all those other things above.  Oh, actually, I didn’t, since most of those clothes were not mine, and seriously, how many pairs of pants can people wear in three days.  i mean, SERIOUSLY.

I felt guilty about the fact that I only made soup for my kids for dinner.  Oh, actually, I didn’t, since it was homemade lentil barley soup with tomato, onion, and cumin, and was extremely healthy.

The only thing I felt guilty about is that I didn’t have the time to go to yoga today AGAIN.  Oh, actually, I did have time at 8:00 but I was on Twitter instead.  So, maybe I can feel guilty about that last one.

Oh, and I POSSIBLY feel guilty that tomorrow is Chanukah and I don’t have any of the accoutrements for the kids such as chocolate money, applesauce for the latkes, or THEIR GIFTS.

Notwithstanding the last one, which may be serious, Chatelaine Magazine is right. Because, the little indulgences, like breakfast with a friend, or hanging at Costco, actually let you feel more satisfied and content when you’ve got bigger things to deal with (like a hugely messy kitchen or 9 loads of laundry in one day.)

And, writing this while drinking a lovely glass of Chateau des Charmes GenSeven wine, I can enjoy a guilt free indulgence.  Because the  Bosc Family, owners of the beautiful Chateau in Niagara, Ontario, donate $1.00 from every bottle sold of this delicious vino to Meal Exchange:  A hunger problem and student solution.

Now, for a little humour about appeasing our guilt.  Enjoy!

I’m Changing My Life: Day 2

Chatelaine Magazine, January 201

Welcome to Day 2 of Refresh.  Frankly, I wasn’t that impressed with today’s task, as its falls into the category of ‘things I’d rather not do.’  However,  I still managed to drink my lemon water with one small hitch (you’ll see in the video, and decide if I’m adventurous, very flexible, or just dumb).

I’m also getting pretty good at video editing, although my boys informed me that the music in Day 1 is copyright infringement and most likely going to land me in jail (I can’t imagine Alicia Keys really cares that I used 4 seconds of her song.)

Enjoy today, and if you’re a neat freak, try not to get all crazy ass on me about the state of my cupboards. That’s unless you want to come and reorganize them for me.  I’m just saying, it would be life changing…

I’m Changing My Life… in 21 Days

So, while Operation Housewife may not be the favourite thing I’ve ever done in my life, equatable only with cleaning out the basement and standing in line for airport security, I realize that my last post was a bit whiney and self-indulgent.  I’m a grown up lady (well for all intents and purposes) and I can certainly do laundry and household chores and/or direct the troops teenagers to do my work for me.

I received my monthly subscription to Chatelaine Magazine a few days ago, and the main headline really caught my eye

Chatelaine Magazine, January 201

REFRESH!! It says. CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN 21 DAYS!  It says.  I could use some refreshing.  And, I could use some changing (I mean, who couldn’t?)  I want to get more energy, sleep more, and stress less.  Therefore, I decided to CHANGE MY LIFE IN 21 DAYS.  And, since I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions because nobody ever keeps them and its one more thing to feel guilty about or beat ourselves up about, I decided to start my 21 days NOW!  On December 14th.

Everyday, I’ll be posting a short video or blog post talking about that days ‘change’.  So, enjoy day 1!

I’d LOVE you to join in on this challenge so put your blog URL in the comments.

I can’t use a linky tool since I’m on the free WordPress.com which often doesn’t feel free but mostly feels like a burden.

Maybe that’s one of the ways I should change my life…hmmm. Self Hosting…Day 22.

Just When You Think You’re Good at Yoga

I was at yoga today and the instructor led us in a completely different routine than I was expecting.  The poses were all out of order and she did some that were completely new to me, and that I had trouble with because of my hamstring injury.  I got irritated, which isn’t the purpose of yoga, OBVIOUSLY.   Also, her core exercises were really hard, and that pissed me off too.  I went to that class looking for a Friday Zen, and instead, I was reminded about how much work I have to do.  In retrospect, that class reminded me that one mustn’t rest on one’s laurels.  I was thinking I was getting pretty good at this Yoga Stuff.  Then, I got reminded, that sure, I can do the regular Moksha sequence, but there is WAY MORE OUT THERE to learn.

The instructor also said that if you’re going to yoga just for fitness or to get a ‘yoga body’ then you should think twice, and expand your reasons. There’s a lot more to be gained, even more than having a legit reason to stock up on Lululemons.  For example there’s the insight into myself I learned today, which is that I THINK I’m really easygoing and adaptable, but I’m ACTUALLY a creature of habit.  Also, I discovered that not being able to do the poses she presented made me mad.  Since I finally found an athletic pursuit I as good at, I forgot what it’s like to be a beginner.  It was good be reminded (since I’ve never actually been good at a sport before), that I’m never really more than a beginner at the next level of my development

It’s funny that this happened to me the day after I read this article Adam Levine and his philosophy and reasons for doing yoga exclusively to any other ‘fitness’ activities.  He talks about the physical and mental benefits that he’s gained, and they are ones that I’d like to achieve also, but only if I take my practice to the next level.

Adam Levin: One hot yogi

Adam agrees and disagrees with my instructor.

He said, ‘”I don’t like how people bullshit about how yoga is not about vanity.” Not that he doesn’t appreciate the spiritual benefits—Levine sees his routines as a therapeutic antidote to the distortions of his career. “Playing a show before thousands of people is a highly unnatural state,” he says, “and when I get on the mat to do an hour of yoga before the show, I come out physically relaxed.”

My favourite thing he said, which I totally identified with, when talking about how his gym routine was a dead end, was:

“Weights made my neck thick, and I would be like, ‘I’m turning into a monster!’ Yoga takes what you have and molds and sculpts it, which is a much more natural way to look and feel.”

I totally agree with that.  I used to work out 2 hrs a day. But, it was boring.  And I was trying to turn my body into something its not.  As I get older (and yes, I’m well into the Cougar years), I want to look like me, only AWESOME:  lean, and fit, and strong, and confident.

That’s why I do yoga now.  And, I should thank the instructor today for reminding me that if I want to get better, I need to keep going out of my comfort zone.  Or else, I’ll never be able to do this:

Adam Levine: One-Legged Koundinyasana II:

Enjoy this little yogic musical interlude.

It WAS a NaNoWriMo Beat Down.

I'm a Winner

I’m BAAAAACCK.  Having triumphed against my internal start/stopper, which I now know is more of a naysayer and or avoider of large projects so that I don’t fail at them.  What am I talking about?  I have COMPLETED NaNoWriMo.  I wrote 52,043 words in 29 days.  Not only did I finish, but I completed the project early, although there was a little bit of ongoing procrastination and I wrote 13,000 words in the last three days.

There were naysayers, such as my lovely husband who said things like, ‘I can’t wait until this thing is over so that you stop tip tapping on that macbook till all hours.I’m tired.’  And ‘Can you remind me why you’re doing this?’  And, ‘Wouldn’t I look like an idiot if someone actually published your book?’

Obviously, my sons parroted his negativity with comments such as, ‘Why are you doing this?’  ‘Can you stop typing and feed me?’, and my favourite, ‘That book thing is dumb.’

Lastly, my daughter didn’t even seem to notice I was doing NaNoWriMo, which I count as a blessing, considering the other responses I got.  (My dogs really liked NaNoWriMo as they liked to cuddle on me while I was sitting still for so long)

I want to make it clear that I DON’T CARE what they say.  I am so DAMN proud of myself.  I have a box of first chapters of books in my basement as well as some notebooks upstairs containing similar material.  I have never ever ever done something so large, so great, so amazing before (other than getting married, having kids etc.).  While I tired of answering the multiple ‘BUT WHYS‘ of my reasons for participating in this challenge, I DON’T CARE (did I say that?).

My friends, both virtual and in life, loved the idea of me writing a book,and were very supportive:

Some of my NaNoWriMo supporters

although my very best friend wanted to know why I wasn’t just writing about her. She DOES have an interesting life.  I have a line-up of readers who want to see what I wrote, including the person who inspired the story.  I want to thank Kristin Klasbergen, who blogs at Peace, Love, and Muesli for seriously getting me through this.  I would totally have quit if it wasn’t for her.

Now, I will interview myself about the book, since of course my goal is to be Jewprah:

Jewprah:  So, can you tell us about your NaNoWriMo book?

Mara: My book is called, ‘Love in the Time of Twitter’, and its about Isabelle and Ted who meet through a Twitter follow-friday.  The book has some quirky characters and incorporates some of my romantic fantasies like being surprised by my one true love, who happens to be rich, with a beautiful mansion complete with a Kardashian-style closet. There’s one major love scene, but I sort of chickened out when it got past 2nd base.  I got a bit serious at the end as well, so major editing is required.

Jewprah:  What kinds of challenges did you face when writing?

Mara:  Well, I had trouble remembering the characters names and any details about them. Maybe it’s because I let the words just flow without any preparation. Plus, I always have trouble with names, and it seems even those in my own head were also hard to recall.   There are some continuity problems in the book that will need to be fixed, such as the names, tone, tense, and voice.  I sometimes struggled with actually getting down to the writing, although, when I did it, the words just flowed.  The other thing that was hard was always being funny.  The book is supposed to be a quirky, humorous tale, but the last bit got a bit serious.

Jewprah:  What’s your process?  Do you do any planning?

Mara:  I only knew the title and the premise.  I didn’t plan at all, and it seemed that the characters took over the story. Stuff happened that I didn’t plan on, and that was sort of fun because as I was writing, the scenes just developed themselves.  It was all news to me!

Jewprah:  So, what’s next?

Mara:  Well, I might avoid the book for a while.  I’d love someone who is in the know to actually read it and let me know if its worth editing and fleshing out to a full novel. Once whoever that is tells me how amazing I am, I plan on taking my advance and going to Ireland to meet Maeve Binchy

Jewprah:  Well, you look like you’re itching to get out of here. Where are you off to?

Mara:  Well, for the first time in a month, I’M NOT WRITING A NOVEL! That’s for sure!

 

 

I’m WRITING! I SWEAR!

I’m WRITING! I SWEAR! (image source www.writerunboxed.com)

In the vein of my friend Lynn at AllFooked up, I’m going to provide you a list of everything that I’m doing and thinking about other than writing my 1700 words for NaNoWriMo.

  • Maybe I should go get the mail. There may be some important mail in the mailbox, you never know. For example, a large cash prize, a letter from the government explaining I wasn’t really born in Canada, or even a card advertising my dream home.
  • I should eat something. Its always better to write on an full stomach. Or is it an empty stomach. A full stomach makes you feel sedentary, but an empty stomach drives you to push yourself to excellence.  Look at how lean the lead actor in the movie ‘The Gods Must be Crazy’ was. He certainly achieved.
  • My dogs are cute. Look at their cute faces. They are so cute I should kiss them. Then, since they are so cute, I should run around with them. And talk baby talk to them. Because, they totally understand me.  I should probably make videos of me talking to my dogs and them understanding me.  On the other hand, people might take my kids away if I do that.
  • I think my NaNo novel characters have taken over the story. I hate being told what to do.  I think they need a time out, so maybe I should write later.
  • Yoga would help me think.
  • There’s a tweet again.  It may be very important if someone is tweeting me right now. Missing that tweet could change my life forever. So I’d better go check and see who it is.  Oh, its a spammer. Wait, there it goes again. It could be a friend in need.  Of my witticisms.  Laughter is the best medicine, or so they say.
  • NOW my email bleeped.  Usually I get just junk emails.  But, what if this time its important.  Like, for example, a member of the former Russian aristocracy who REALLY requires my most excellence servicing, and will pay me $15 million as long as I provide my bank account number, my date of birth, my address, and my shoe size.
  • That dog is really cute. But he’s so dumb. He’s trying to get food by scratching at a 6 pack of beer.  Have the kids been giving the dog beer again?  I’d better go text them and make sure they didn’t.
  • Young and the Restless really needs to have me guest star. I’d make a great prison inmate. I look so good in orange. And Sharon looked so good after her prison makeover. Really, she never looked better.  Oh wait, she’s out of jail.  But she gets to choose between hot veterinarian, Dr. Sam, gorgeous but evil Adam, and of course, Nick.  And what about Ronen.  I’d totally dump my husband for him.  But he would need to stop disappearing. Except my MIL would be Nina. Ewwww.
  • I should go to yoga later.  Or maybe now. Yoga is good for you. But not too much.  Yesterday, when I was ‘researching’ for my novel, I happened upon an article that says too much of anything isn’t good for you.  So, maybe I shouldn’t go to yoga. We’ll see.
  • Facebook is very interesting today.  A lot of people are posting videos, and it would be rude not to watch them and then comment.  Oh…wait..my sister put up a blog post. One MUST support one’s sister in her pursuit of bloggy excellence, right?
  • Have I showered yet?
  • What’s for dinner?
  • What if my sister’s nanny doesn’t come and I have to give her my nanny who I don’t actually need but I want, and then I have a relapse of my housework allergy whose symptoms are me being a TOTAL BITCH.  I hate acting like that, but it’s not my fault. Its an allergy.

In no way can this list be considered procrastination.  I totally and legitimately have important things to think about.  As well, I totally and legitimately am working to overcome my START/STOP impulse as well as my fear of rejection, insurmountable obstacles, and small spaces.

Note from the Editor:  Chicky has been spanked at sent right to Scrivener to start her words.  Stop TWEETING her. OR ELSE!!

NaNoWriMo: It’s a Slacker Beat Down!

Today is Halloween. Everybody else is writing a nice Halloween post. However, since its already 2:30, its a bit late for a Halloween post.  Plus, I’d be a bit of an imposter if I wrote a Halloween post since:

a) I don’t have a pumpkin yet

b) there’s a slim to none chance I will be getting a pumpkin since trick or treating starts in 4 hrs.

c) my kids have abandoned me to teen-dom and either aren’t dressing up or have forbidden my husband to follow them (‘them’ being my 12 year old) around while ‘they’ trick our treat with ‘their’ friends (‘following’ being hiding behind bushes and generally stalking in a not-creepy however appearing extremely creepy sort of way)

This pumpkin-less situation brings me to the actual reason for my post.

I know it’s shocking news, but I’m a procrastinator.  In other words, I’m a do-it-later-er.  As in ‘why do it now, when you can do it later?’  Sometimes, when I can’t decide if I want to do it now, I let my car decide if its going to turn, and therefore do it now.  For example, I guess my car didn’t want a pumpkin as it didn’t turn into a lot to buy one.   Seriously, the pumpkin, or  lack thereof is an inelegant segue/metaphor into my newest attempt to crush the procrastination demon and turn myself into a time maximizing whirlwind of activity. (Chances of that happening?  Well, I’m not good at math, but I wouldn’t want to take the book on that wager…)  Anyways, I’m totally into self-improvement, plus, I’ve also got another major character flaw, totally related to the procrastination beast, called the ‘start-stopper’.  I have many great intentions, but large projects or new activities tend to beat me down, and then I just avoid them.  For more on my failings, look here.

Which brings me to….the badge at the top of this blog.  Maybe you know what it is, maybe you don’t.  What it means is that I’m participating in NaNoWriMo.    Its a Writing Festival. A Writing-a-Thon.  A Writing Bonanza.  In honour of National Writing Month, basically you write a 50,000 word ‘novel’ or chunk of one in 30 days.  That’s approximately 1,700 words per day. That’s a lot of writing.  Every day.  And it’s public. My name is on their website, with a WORD COUNT.  And now, I’ve written it here too. On my happy place. That means I have have to do it. Right?

Did I say that I’m taking on a HUGE commitment to write FIFTY THOUSAND WORDS IN THIRTY DAYS. What a way to tame the procrastinator start-stopper beast!

Its a known fact amongst those who know me that I’ve always wanted to be a writer. There’s a book stuck in my sternum. So far, pieces of 500-700 words have been just the right length for me. The shoebox full of Chapter Unos is a testament to that fact, as well as to the character flaws as clearly outlined above.  NaNoWriMo is how I’m having a SLACKER / PROCRASTINATOR / START_STOPPER BEAT DOWN.

Apparently, a beat down that involves a lot of words.  DID I SAY FIFTY THOUSAND WORDS?

Cuz, ya know what they say…GO BIG OR GO HOME.

Stay tuned for periodic whiny posts about my project. (If you want to stalk me on the NaNoWriMo website, my user name is ChickyMara)

ps, apparently it was advised that I write a outline and notes, as well as doing research to facilitate the 50,000 words to be written in 30 days.  Do you think I did that?

Things I Cannot Change: On not Tooting my own Horn

Don't be afraid to admit something cannot be changed

Sometimes its good to take a reality check on yourself.  Everyone wants to be a better person.  Maybe they want to be thinner, taller, yell less.  Maybe they want to be nicer, more outgoing, less outgoing.  But, there are things about ourselves that, no matter how hard we try, we cannot change.  These are things that we have to accept about ourselves, and say, ‘Screw it. Because that’s how I am.’ In my journey of life, and as I get older, I’m starting to accept certain things about myself.  Its all about self-discovery:

Preamble:  if you think this post is all about me looking for compliments, you’re wrong.  I know there are some fantastic things about me which I will share with you at another time in a post entitled ‘Tooting my Own Horn’.  This particularly post is to point out that…

These are the things that I know about myself that I cannot change.

1.  I am not sporty.  I am completely uncoordinated.  When I look in the mirror at yoga, I cannot adjust for backwards and generally end up going the wrong way.  I cannot catch a ball, nor can I pedal and change gears at the same time.  I am a terrible bowler, I run funny, and skating and I are not friends.  I am bad at sports. This is something I cannot change.

2.  I’m forgetful.  I remember things, but on the wrong date.  I forget where I put things.  I lose things.  I don’t remember  anyone’s name, even if I’ve met them 10 times. This is termed Marazheimers.  I do, however, have an excellent memory for random bits of information, I have a great sense of direction, and with my work, I can remember everything, even whole conversations.  But, I forget to pay bills, where I’m supposed to be, where I put my cellphone, keys, etc.  This is Something I Cannot Change.

3. I’m disorganized with my physical space.  I have other things to think about then how neatly my t-shirts are folded or if my skirts are hung from shortest to longest.  My desk is a mess (but I know where everything is), and I feel like filing is for wimps.  My brains move fast, and they have no time for persnickety things like automatic label makers. What’s funny, is that I hate the way a disorganized area looks. I just don’t have the temperament to effect change.  This about me drives my mother crazy.  But, I’m sorry Mom, this is something I cannot change

4.  I am a terrible resolution keeper.  Whether its to lose weight, be less forgetful, or be less organized, I do not follow through.  My diets last until the hunger pangs begin.  I buy notepads to make lists and then forget to write in them.  I purchase magazines touting organizational systems and leave them all over.  I just cannot keep these resolutions.  Perhaps because they usually involve Things I Cannot Change.  And so, with this one too, this is Something I Cannot Change.

5.  I talk too much.  Even when I swear to myself that I’m going to not talk, I talk.  I talk when I’m nervous, I talk when I’m comfortable.  I talk when I’m rested, and I talk when I’m tired.  I talk when I’m passionate about something  and I talk when I’m mad about something.  I talked non stop while delivering my children.  Sometimes I even talk in my sleep. As well, sometimes I say inappropriate things while I’m blabbering.  Unfortunately for everyone around me, This is Something I Cannot Change (other than the inappropriate part and that is something I contunue to try to change.

6.  I’m totally naive.  I believe in people, in their good and their truth.  Even when its obvious to everyone else that someone has a personal agenda or that they are not being truthful to me or themselves, I totally believe them. Then, when their true colours show through, I kick myself and swear that I’ll be more savvy next time. And then…hit the repeat button.  So, unfortunately, This is Something I Cannot Change.

7.  I’m an avoider.  I like sunshine, fairy dust and rainbows. I like everyone to be happy.  I like pleasant situations, and bills that are payable.  I like people to get along, and everyone to be true to themselves.   I try to avoid unpleasant things by pretending they don’t exist.  Then I complain for hours about them.  It’s terrible to be an avoider, because the unpleasant things are often way worse after they’ve been avoided for a while.  The more I try to change from being an avoider, the more I avoid.  This has also been termed MaraPrastination.  I have to admit, that This is Something I Cannot Change.

What about you?  Do you have things you cannot change?

Postscript:  I’m also pretty lazy, but that is Something I’m Trying to Change.